This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
