Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
