Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Will you blow on my dice?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Randomize
