Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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