I think I won the penis lottery.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
