Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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