Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
