just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
