I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
