Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
