i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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