wanna go halves on a baby?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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