wakey wakey hands off snakey
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
