Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
