Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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