If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
