and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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