I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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