Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
