do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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