You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
