Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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