How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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