Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
