Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There r osticjed everywhere
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
