Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
