I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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