cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
