I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
