Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize