Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
