i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
