It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
