Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
