chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
