I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We need to feng shui this bitch.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
