the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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