he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
