She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
