i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
