Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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