She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
