I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
