I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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