why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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