It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
