So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
