We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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