U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
