No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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